And I fill my lungs with tons of cigs. And I fill my day with emptiness. And I fill my heart with nothing. Will I be alright soon? I strongly believed that I'll be fine, soon. Really soon. And I'm letting go of someone that I've been holding on to for this last 9 months. And honestly, that was neither a pain nor a relieve. I just feel empty and....sad? I don't know. Maybe my loneliness has cured my broken heart since a long long time ago. I was crying so hard last night; so hard that I couldn't even breathe. It felt like the air in this motherfucking Earth has gone somewhere else, so as a human I couldn't breathe even a little. I cried until I felt asleep. And early in the fucking frigid Friday morning, I suddenly felt the emptiness surrounded me. And actually today is my second day without him. I'm letting go. Or at least, I will let go. Soon. So that my heart will be fine again.
Well, he broke up with me yesterday. He dumped me as if I was a garbage. As if I was nothing to him and useless to him. I always know that it's going to happen soon (when we were still together). It was so sudden that I couldn't say anything anymore. He just yelled at me on the phone, and I just hang up his phone and I didn't cry at that moment.
Seriously, I'm trying not to cry tonight. But it's so hard. I need to write this somewhere or maybe just share it with someone, maybe with my best friends. But they're hanging out with their boyfriends right now and there's no way that I'm going to bother them.
Last night, I tried to have some fun with my friends. But I just....can't. All I did is just crying and...trying to let go of the pain that he caused me and tried to let him go. And by the way, he didn't do anything to make everything better after all. He didn't do any single fucking thing. But that's fine. Because I know that he already found someone new. And I hope she will be better than me. She will love him more than I love him. She will accept all of his flaws, will accept him as he is. I hope she's a flawless beautiful lady that has enough patience to deal with your anger and emotions. I hope she'll be care to you more than I cared to you. And I hope you will chase and struggle for her, not like what you did to me. I hope you will be happier with her.
And to me.
I hope I'll get better soon. Time heals. It takes time for everything. Be proud for who you are. Letting go will be the best thing that you can do now. And forever. Your scar will be healed. Soon, De. Soon. You deserve to be happy. Now it's time to close the old book, burn them, and get a new and better book. Write your life story there. Stay gold, De. Stay strong.
You really
deserve
to be happy.
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